Smakubak and the scabee tribe of Ogsmuck the Hideous

As I have mentioned, if you wander around parts of central and northern Crutonia, you run the risk of running into a nomadic group of scabee. Your chance of departing from their company in good condition, I am sorry to say, is slim. However, if you are just lucky enough, you may run into a very unique group of scabee. It is the scabee tribe of Ogsmuck the Hideous.

What makes this scaggle of scabees so unique? Well, first off, they won’t attempt to devour you, at least not right away. They will first ask for a story. This has to do with their caretaker, Smakubak. He is a half gooch, half heefermeinsteer fellow who enjoys a good tale. A long time ago, Smakubak found and raised an orphaned scabee named Ogsmuck the Hideous. Smakubak taught this scabee to appreciate a good yarn. The scabees of the tribe now are descendants of Ogsmuck, and they all have learned to appreciate stories and not to attack creatures that could tell them a good tale. It is not a free pass, though; if the creatures could not tell them a good enjoyable story, the scabees are free to devour them as they naturally please.

Grevoldo Gloop and Grevoldo’s Grotto

As I mentioned earlier, Grevoldo Gloop is one of the residents of note in the Bungaliville area. As you can see by the map, however, it can be argued that he is just outside this city, since his establishment (Grevoldo’s Grotto) is across the river on the face of Aquarius Mountain. Details, details. I believe that Grevoldo picked this location since it has the advantages of being close to a town with all of the conveniences that come with it, while being remote enough so that his guests are able to have their privacy too if that is what they desire.

Grevoldo is, like Quenterindy Quirk and Luvusious Lorp mentioned prior, a member of the Alphbetta elite. It is of no surprise, then, that he is an excellent business fellow. He is the proprietor of the upscale Grevoldo’s Grotto. The Grotto is an Inn and a restaurant, and many of the most influential Crutonians stay as guests at the Grotto during the annual Flumpé as well as year round. This luxury resort has many amenities, with luxurious rooms and gourmet meals. I always enjoy my stay!

A comment on kis

As a response to my recent discussion about the ki, my good friend, Biblooo, of the esteemed House of Okko, stopped by to comment. Like his father, Biblooo enjoys a bit of an adventure, and out in the wilds of Crutonia most of all. He thought it a bit harsh to refer to these ki as crass creatures. I thought, my dear citizens, that you would enjoy his tale, so I include it below.

From Biblooo: “I was enjoying a hike in the Mushroom forest, looking about for interesting things. Alas, I was too curious for my own good, and I found myself quite lost. After a rather extensive search to find my prior trail, I found myself discovered by a clan of ki. While intrigued to encounter these primitives, I was also somewhat concerned for my safety. After a tense first contact, the kis slowly warmed up to me once they became convinced them that I meant no harm. Instead of having to brave the Crutonian night alone and in the elements, the ki invited me back to their home. Rather than being crude or uncivilized savages, I found that these creatures are warm and welcoming hosts. I was introduced to their Chief, Chitchat, and her mate Bullyrag. Chitchat told me some glorious tales of her clan’s adventures while we dined over fresh roast beast."

"While it was evident that Chitchat is a strong and fearless leader, she is not without a soft tender side that she shared readily to her tribemates and her five young kits. In the morning, my new ki friends helped me find my way back to Cruton, along with beads and fruits as parting gifts.”

So, I will temper my earlier statements in respect of my friend Biblooo. Kis are not completely crass

Luvusius Lorp: Cultural Icon!

Levusius is Cruton’s premier dramatist. She is a talented actress and playwright and works in conjunction with Cebne Slimp at the Chirlee Palace Theater, producing such classic plays as “Smakdeeth,” “Death of A Smedsmerd,” and “Powerxor! The Musical.” She is also a great sponsor of other talents and produced the recording of “Yexornor!” by The Blamps.

Among her patrons are Queen Abloonee and Listris Bling. She has slightly contentious relationship with the latter.

The Archive of Crutonian Knowledge

All Hail King Hoonkl! Ha ha!

Ok... so as I was mentioning earlier, the castle houses any number of important citizens and staff members. You have already met my family and General Hoobs. Here are Parisppany Bristol and Fleegr Bn...



...They are the Chief Archivist and Royal Sage, respectively, and they work at the Archive of Crutonian Knowledge, which is to be found on the third floor of the palace. Parisppany keeps all the documents, books and spells in order. She is quiet and efficient... one rarely sees her out and about, though my wife says she plays the glorkenspegul beautifully! Fleegr does the looking up of important things that I wish to know! He can be a bit of a bore, but is usually patient with me when I nod off, which is good, because a simple question can take hours to answer, apparently! Together they are quite the team! Plus they can read, which is helpful.

Fleegr has his own quarters in the Palace, but Parisppany lives in the city with her husband Immigglaxious Po, the school teacher.

Alright! Toodles for now!

Your immensely magnanimous King,

Me!

Exciting news!

Hey folks! I know it has been a while, but I've been busy busy! Crutonia doesn't rule itself you know!

Well I am very pleased to announce the newest addition to the royal family! My Brother, Rimram and his wife Antana had a baby girl just last week! Isn't she precious? Rimram says she looks just like him but frankly I don't see it. She does look vaguely familiar though... hmmm.


Anyway, Rimram is the mayor of the southern city Tchoffldayl, down in the Pillar Mountains. Fantastic country! I will follow this up with telling you a little about it, but for now just be happy for me! Oh, and Rimram and Antana too I suppose. I will let you know when the little squirmer has a name.

Creature of the Week... Bordadens!

So, some of you might well be asking, if Crutonia is full of all these different critters, what pray tell kind of creature am I, your fabulous King! The answer, my little kooks, is a Bordadens!

We bordadens make up a significant percent of the species that populate the cities and towns of Crutonia, along with Shemoybl, Braxxon, Bungali and a hand full of others. But more about all those later! This is about bordadens!!

Ok... so bordadens could actually be said the foundation of Crutonian society. We are an industrious lot, and take our professions very seriously. We are obsessed with societal standing, and the various families vie for social prominence based on the sum total of familial success. The individual who is deemed to be the most successful in any given family is the family head, regardless of age or sex.

You could imagine that this would lead to quite a lot of squabbling, but our belief that family status is more important than that of the individual rules out most treachery, as the shame of cheating would significantly damage the overall standing of the family.

We are a noble lot, and none more noble than me, the King!! Ha ah! Well, here are some of the other prominent bordadens citizens of Cruton...

just a few... I could go on and on, we are such a splendid lot! Well, goodbye for now... and remember, wash your tails before bedtime!

Quenterindy Quirk, Explorer

This is Captain Quenterindy Quirk... He is a member of the prestegeous Alephbetta elite and also is a veteran of both the Pitto-Crutonian War and the Pitto-Erbian War.

As a reward for these heroics and also as a favor to some of his comrades, I commissioned him to preform a grand survey for The Crown. His mission is to map and survey the flora and fauna of the more remote areas of the kingdom. To aid him in this endeavor he has put together what I can only imagine is a crack team of specialists... Nersel Buyukbay, the Cartographer Royal; Lanitee, a Zeep botanist who is also a healer from what I understand, and her assistant, Cleus; and the Vegahorse-Vega pair Burtrym and Waldemar, who are specialists in biology an ecology (studied at the prestigious Llanarch School For the Learned apparently). There are some others, but I don't quite remember who... servants and guards and whatnot, I believe.

Anyway, the good Captain set out well over a month ago... I wonder how he is doing?

Cactus, Crown Prince of Crutonia

Hello all! Here is my son, Cactus! Do you see the family resemblance? No? Well he was born when I was temporarily trapped in the body of the boolgook, Umber... Due to some particularly tricky Crutonian legal protocol, he is still considered my son and heir. Don't ask me about it, but our Royal Sage, Fleeger Bn, assures me it is true.

Anyway, as it stands he is the Crown Prince and therefore heir presumptive, even though he is my second born. As I said earlier in my missive about Pooleene, she gave up her hereditary right in order to end that silly war and is now the Regent of Arkadia... such a good girl!

Anyway, back to Cactus! He is quite the little prince! He enjoys lording it over everyone, a true royal! You should see him in action! Ha ha! Alright, bye for now!

Palace Staff, Part 1

My Chief of staff is an excellent fellow named Hoobs. He lives in the castle with his wife Rimit. Hoobs served honorably in two of the Crutonian wars, and I trust him fully. He has two sons that are upstanding citizens, Prink and Ibleswich. Prink runs one of the best restaurants in Cruton, Prink’s Chop House, and his brother Ibleswich is the proprietor of the Whotel Who, an upscale inn also located in Cruton. Both of his sons and their establishments will be a focus of future entries.

Princess Pooleene

And here is my lovely daughter, the Princess Pooleene... She governs the principality of Arkadia with her shiftless husband the Erbian Prince Hades Skratch, she keeps a tight leash on him though! She only married him to keep Crutonia from falling under Erbian rule when things looked bad in the Pitto-Erbian War. Ha ha! Such a clever girl... she didn't let him know she had given up her right to the throne until afterwards! Meanwhile her half-brother, Cactus is the direct heir... but more on him later... Bye for now my subjects!

Queen Abloonee

Ah! Abloonee... My darling Queen! She once got killed by a creature called a trampleen, but we were able to bring her back to life with the aid of the sorceress Clytemnestra...
Haven't seen HER for a while... I wonder where she's got to?

A picture of myself... simply splendid!