Scabees

Scabees are extremely vicious creatures of central and northern Crutonia. They live in packs, in groups I think are called scaggles. Scaggles of scabee! Male scabees are called butches, and females are called velmas. The dominant butch and velma of each pack wears a bandana called a scagrag. How these odd horrid creatures get these items and put them on is a mystery to me, my citizens.

Scabees hold their rank in the pack by aggression against smaller, weaker scabees. Often, scabees aggressively attack each other and there is a lot of biting. Many young scabees do not survive due to viciousness, biting and starvation. I guess this is a way of raising their young tough, but I find it ghastly.

The whole scabee pack participates in hunting. Not too surprisingly, they surround the victim and tear it apart in a feeding frenzy. It should be obviously noted that scabees need to be avoided. Areas known to have a high population of scabees, such as the Praggle Pit, are considered a danger. Count yourself warned!

There are some ways to tell if there are scabees in the area. First of all, scabees enjoy napping, and if you are quiet enough you can sneak away. Second, scabees really like running. As they run together, it is easier to see them, and you can hear them too. Lastly, sometimes they shout out something that sounds like, “scabascaboooo!” They seem to enjoy doing this when they are running, too. This distinctive howl will clearly lets you know that scabees are in the area, and to head in the other direction quickly.

The flumps and the Flumpé

I have mentioned the Flumpé, and how it is quite the tourist attraction in Bungaliville. So, I will elaborate more here and talk about the creatures that are the focus of the Flumpé, the flumps!

The flumps spend a good part of the time at Flump point, which is located near the Salty Hills. This area is rich in a unique plant life called salty hill pikuls, which is a sweet succulent. Flump spend their time in this area feeding, gaining body fat, and grooming. It is a jolly lazy vacation for the flumps!

Each season, the whole flump herd makes a cross Crutonia swim, called the Flumpé. This journey is very treacherous and upstream and many flumps don’t survive. Poor unfortunate fellows! Many tourists come to see the Flumpé, especially in Bungalliville. It is rather curious seeing these creatures swim against the current, and the determination that the flumps have in this effort is quite impressive. This journey takes the flumps at least a turn of the two moons.

The destination of the Flumpé is a small, remote island called Flump Haven. This place is ideal for the flumps to birth their helpless offspring, called lumplings, since this remote island offers protection. The flump stay at Flump Haven and raise their little lumplings. Eventually, the lumplings are strong and sturdy enough to make the swim back to Flump Point, where the salty hill pikuls are replenished.

Eyeseatoners – scorge of the Crutonian waterways

The rivers of Crutonia contain a horrible predator. While they prefer smaller prey such as the aquatic germii, eyeseatoners are opportunistic; they will dine exclusively on the eyeballs of any creature unfortunate enough to come too close. These horrific creatures live in groups called swarms, and they will use their numbers to band together to submerge and attack larger victims. These eyeseatoners do not seem interested in the flesh of the creatures, only the eyeballs. One can evade the eyeseatoner if they are quick enough to cover their faces, or have a natural defense against attack (for example the mandrian).

The good news is that the eyeseatoners are mostly restricted to the waters. They do have some limited ability to travel on dry land by walking on their digits, but this is not a common activity, I am happy to note. I have read some of the studies on how these creatures procreate. Eyeseatoaners mate by “shaking hands.” A few days later 40 or so eggs are laid. Adults anchor themselves to a nearby rock and fan the eggs for 10 days, after which the young, called mitns, hatch.

Conshahawkun – creatures of wet, slimy caves

Conshahawun, small creatures with a coiled shell, inhabit the crevasses of the Aquarius Mountain. They are opportunistic feeders, and will eat the slime that accumulates in the cave, as well as vegetation and anything else they can find; even their own eggs are on the menu. The eggs of the conshahawkun, called conshabrine, are laid in direct proportion to the amount of food consumed. Over time, the conshabrine develops a hard shell in which the conshahawkun grows. While these creatures are quite prolific in their egg laying, population explosions are kept in check by heavy predation and cannibalism. As previously mentioned, the elusians and the mandrians both have conshabrine in their diets. There are also several excellent gourmet dishes that utilize the conshawkun and their brine. I know that Grevoldo has several appetizers and entrée selections available.

Creature of the week...Bungali!

The bungali folk are commonly found populating several of my Crutonian cities and towns, with a large population inhabiting Bungaliville. While these modern bungali occupy almost every area of Crutonian society, I believe that they previously lived in tribal villages located in rocky areas near cliffs. As recounted in stories by several of my bungali associates, they would lure stampedes and trampleens off of these overhangs. With the aid of their membranous skirts they would float gently to the ground while the beasts splattered on the rocks below. A banquet of tenderized meat for the whole village, I would say! I asked them why they have, for the most part, abandoned their hunting pasts; they replied that the dangerous risk from possible garbidgekan and scabee predators waiting below eventually led many to abandon this lifestyle in exchange for the simplicity of city life. However, they still enjoy skirt parachuting and often build very tall houses with balconies to continue this activity.

Most of the bungali I know live in extended families within the same house, and often live in their places of business. I find these citizens to be less glib than most, and tend to be good listeners. I bet it is for this reason that I enjoy the council of many bungali on my staff!

A comment on kis

As a response to my recent discussion about the ki, my good friend, Biblooo, of the esteemed House of Okko, stopped by to comment. Like his father, Biblooo enjoys a bit of an adventure, and out in the wilds of Crutonia most of all. He thought it a bit harsh to refer to these ki as crass creatures. I thought, my dear citizens, that you would enjoy his tale, so I include it below.

From Biblooo: “I was enjoying a hike in the Mushroom forest, looking about for interesting things. Alas, I was too curious for my own good, and I found myself quite lost. After a rather extensive search to find my prior trail, I found myself discovered by a clan of ki. While intrigued to encounter these primitives, I was also somewhat concerned for my safety. After a tense first contact, the kis slowly warmed up to me once they became convinced them that I meant no harm. Instead of having to brave the Crutonian night alone and in the elements, the ki invited me back to their home. Rather than being crude or uncivilized savages, I found that these creatures are warm and welcoming hosts. I was introduced to their Chief, Chitchat, and her mate Bullyrag. Chitchat told me some glorious tales of her clan’s adventures while we dined over fresh roast beast."

"While it was evident that Chitchat is a strong and fearless leader, she is not without a soft tender side that she shared readily to her tribemates and her five young kits. In the morning, my new ki friends helped me find my way back to Cruton, along with beads and fruits as parting gifts.”

So, I will temper my earlier statements in respect of my friend Biblooo. Kis are not completely crass

Creature of the week...ki!

Hello, my loyal citizens! Today I will enlighten you on one of our forest creatures, the Ki. The Ki form tribes, and the strongest Ki in the tribe is the leader. The leader not only possesses physical strength, but also a strong character in terms of leadership and intelligence, much like your leader, me! Squabbling amongst the ki for leadership is relatively common. In addition to the chief, other members of the tribe have specialties, such as functioning as a healer, a weapon maker, and so forth.

When a young ki comes of age, they go on a mate-quest called the haslhof, during which they travel in the territory and sometimes beyond looking for other wandering ki to fight with for dominance. After this love battle, the victorious one of the couple will bring their ki mate trophy back to the victor’s tribe, where they are now both considered members. The conquered member of this haslhof has to renounce their prior tribe, and are sometimes even forced to join in battles and raids on their parent tribe.

The ki are loyal to their tribe, but tend not to mingle with other ki groups, and are downright warlike against their enemies the valients. Ah, these valient fellows are also forest dwellers, living in groups in a similar fashion to the ki. I am not sure where all the hating comes from. It is all very uncivilized! The valients build tree homes, and since they are semi-nomatic, tend to abandon them after a while. The ki will then occupy these vacant homes. I do not see this home sharing as the source of the discourse between these two creatures. Rather, it is due to the two groups, usually the ki, raiding and pillaging each other’s tribes. What crass creatures, I am glad they stay in the forest rather than create a nuisance in the towns, I’ll say.

Beware the eeespaneechee!

While appearing harmless from afar, the eeespaneechee is quite dangerous, due to some blood-sucking inhabitants. The eeespaneechee live in thickets and have long flexible stems and large leaves. The top most part of the plant contains a structure called the koneechee, and this is where the fruit and flowering takes place. The plant itself is not the problem, but it provides a home for the horrid eeesp.

The eeespaneechee attract eeesp colonies, and this is beneficial to the plants since it keeps other creatures from harming it. The eeesp live in clusters attached underneath the leaves, and feed off the berries. The berries contain a substance called oytuk oyl that acts as a topical analgesic. As other unsuspecting and unfortunate creatures walk through the plants trunks, the motion may induce an eeesp spawning frenzy. Oh, the horror! The eeesp jump on the creature, suck blood through the skin of its victim, and lays its egg pods. The eeesp secretes a combination of oytuk oyl obtained from its diet and a substance that they produce themselves called eeespajuice. The oytuk oyl anesthetizes the skin, while the eespajuice makes the skin more permeable for more efficient blood suckage. While eeesp infestation does not harm larger creatures including the eeesp’s favorite target the trampl een, the eeesp may cause massive hemorraging, blood loss and possible death to smaller creatures. Those wicked little eeesp, they will try to ingest nearly their entire body weight of their victims blood! What a terror!

While these plants and creatures are vile in many ways, some use can be obtained from them. From the plant, oytuk oyl is extracted from the fruit and provides an excellent topical anesthetic and analgesic. As for the horrid little eeesp, juice may be extracted from them to make an intangibility potion called eeespajuice. In a concentrate form, this allows a potion soaked object to permeate through other objects. So, even a dreadful creature like the eeesp has something to offer the crown.

Creature of the week...Sxervian Frog!

I was having a rather interesting discussion with my esteemed colleague, Zoop (the palace Alchemist royale) about frogs. Now, I have mentioned Kroayzn frogs earlier here, but our talk was on another type, the sxervian.

Sxervian frogs are the more common of the frog varieties, and are usually, I stress usually, hard-working and loyal. I will mention a most unfortunate exception to this later. The exception are the traitorous Aphnietes.

These frogs, in general, are somewhat brutish, and yet are impressively disciplined. They have a structured militaristic society, and organize themselves into groups, then larger groups of these smaller groups, and so on. These fellows tend to form organized collectives with a clear hierarchic structure.

Here in Cruton we benefit greatly from our sxervian frog citizens. They form the main population of our security forces, under General Hoobs. Many of the frogs living in Cruton are in either the yellow or the purple brigades. These brigades are very loyal of their King, as they should be.

Sxervians breed in small pools, going there just to lay their eggs and leave. Our local Cruton frogs visit a secluded area near town called the hatchery. I have included a splendid picture here! The eggs hatch into furry tadpoles. Eventually they grow arms and legs and leave the water to return to the cities.

Creature of the week...Kroayzn Frog!

Some of the most outgoing and social creatures in town are the kroayzn frogs. Kroayzn frogs live in a highly fashionable society of their own devising. While kroayzn society is mainly centered in Arcadia, especially the city of Oshkosh, small enclaves can be found in most major metropolitan areas such as Cruton. Most of the Kroayzn in Cruton live in the Whoohookis neighborhood. I enjoy visiting there for the gourmet meals, fancy hairstyles, and theatrical performances.

The frogs are quite the socialites. The Kroayzn put fashion and their own status above all else, throwing huge parties to maintain and advance their status in the society. It is also of the highest importance to be seen in the latest fashion during these social events. A mainstay of fashion is length of hair, and often stilts are used so that hair can grow to absurd lengths without tripping its owner.

Kroazyn incubate their eggs in a fancy fountain in their homes called a laviswank. The fountain, the eggs, and the resulting hatchlings are cared for by nannies. When the hatchlings, called glamglampetls, emerge from the fountain, the household holds a glamorous coming out party called the glamglampetl Krotillion.

I have to admit that I find them rather shallow and surprised by their willingness to do anything, including disfiguring themselves or their children to advance their social status. Often they outfit their children with metal rings called whohootashen to stretch their bodies and necks to obtain greater heights. To each their own, who am I to judge? Oh yes, I am the King! It is my job to judge.

Creature of the week...Poorkon!

Just outside the city of Cruton, in the Mushroom forest, it is quite common to see golden poorkons. There are two varieties, mushroom or golden poorkon, and northern (also known as snowey or wooley) poorkon. The Northerns are usually found in the snowy regions in the North.

Poorkon lay large eggs around and about and abandon them, the forest has quite a few laying about. Poorkon do not make protective nests and tend to lay their eggs where ever they are. It is due to this behavior that many of the eggs are broken or eaten. The poorkon make up for this loss by being very prolific egg layers.

Many of Cruton's fine restaurants serve dishes that utilize the poorkon's eggs or meat. Golden porkon is quite delicious, with a wonderful mushroomy flavor. The Northern poorkon meat is much spicier, I find the flavor a bit exotic.

Creature of the Week... Bordadens!

So, some of you might well be asking, if Crutonia is full of all these different critters, what pray tell kind of creature am I, your fabulous King! The answer, my little kooks, is a Bordadens!

We bordadens make up a significant percent of the species that populate the cities and towns of Crutonia, along with Shemoybl, Braxxon, Bungali and a hand full of others. But more about all those later! This is about bordadens!!

Ok... so bordadens could actually be said the foundation of Crutonian society. We are an industrious lot, and take our professions very seriously. We are obsessed with societal standing, and the various families vie for social prominence based on the sum total of familial success. The individual who is deemed to be the most successful in any given family is the family head, regardless of age or sex.

You could imagine that this would lead to quite a lot of squabbling, but our belief that family status is more important than that of the individual rules out most treachery, as the shame of cheating would significantly damage the overall standing of the family.

We are a noble lot, and none more noble than me, the King!! Ha ah! Well, here are some of the other prominent bordadens citizens of Cruton...

just a few... I could go on and on, we are such a splendid lot! Well, goodbye for now... and remember, wash your tails before bedtime!

Creature of the Week... Boolgook!

This week's creature is the Boolgook. They are docile swamp dwellers living in great abundance in the Boolgook Bog, not far from Cruton.

It was into one of these creatures, a boolgook by the name of Umber, that my mind was transferred to as a result of a botched reanimation spell performed by the sorceress, Clytemnestra. As a result I spent quite a bit of time living as a boolgook, and also it was during this time that Cactus, the Crown Prince was born.

Anyway, enough about me! Boolgooks are vegetarians, eating vast quantities of Bopaberries, a plant native to the wetlands. They also continue to grow throughout their lives, and some can get to be quite emmense! The largest one I know of is Old Pastel, and he is about the size of a building!

For a short time we had a boolgook nanny for Cactus, a sweet young lady boolgook by the name of Buttercup, but alas he dissmissed her when on a state visit to his sister... don't really remember why... hmmm.

Creature of the Week... Stampede!

Well, as I think I mentioned earlier, my darling queen was once killed by one of these fellows... They live up north on the high plains, mostly standing around until they get hungry, then well they run en-mass until they find something to trample to death, do so and then lick up the remains!

Believe me when I say that we were lucky to come across a lone one, otherwise yours truly would probably not be here either!

Well, anyway on with my description... I am told that the mating ritual of the stampede involves two of the creatures rubbing against each other... remarkable! They don't do this often, though, due to chaffing. After a short gestation, the young exit the adults via their mouths... these then follow behind the herd and eat leftovers.

Stampedes themselves are quite delicious, and are hunted by the bungali amongst others for their meat... The young make an especially delicious dish called "stampanini" Oh! that reminds me! Time for lunch! Ta ta!

Hoo hoo! Here's a scene from one of the Pattrkyn villages... Kokochka, I believe!