Monday, October 4, 2010

Tchoffldayl, Gem of the Pillar Mountains!

So here is Tchoffldayl, where my brother Rimram is the mayor... I just told you about him, I hope you were paying attention!

Tchoffldayl is located in the Southwestern peninsula of Crutonia, deep in the heart of the Pillar Mountains. It sits on an island in the Thimblewind River, and due to this location is an important trading hub. It's local economy is based mainly in Eblixxer, an alcoholic spirit made by the Eebloo, Hashnuts, Gooch Cigars and Tchelo, a naturally occurring goo that is quite delicious.

Many prominent citizens also live in Tchoffldayl, including the distinguished Gort family, Crisen the healer (Antana's brother) as well as Jerribonal Jorb, a member of the exclusive Alphebeta Club. I have never really been able to pin down what it is exactly he does... something in trade I believe. Well, Rimram says he is quite splendid, and a big help in keeping things in order.

It can be quite a wild place, or at least it was in my youth, when last I visited. I suppose I shall find out for myself if it has changed much as I will be obliged to make a Royal visit to see my new niece!

Alright, ta for now!

Exciting news!

Hey folks! I know it has been a while, but I've been busy busy! Crutonia doesn't rule itself you know!

Well I am very pleased to announce the newest addition to the royal family! My Brother, Rimram and his wife Antana had a baby girl just last week! Isn't she precious? Rimram says she looks just like him but frankly I don't see it. She does look vaguely familiar though... hmmm.

Anyway, Rimram is the mayor of the southern city Tchoffldayl, down in the Pillar Mountains. Fantastic country! I will follow this up with telling you a little about it, but for now just be happy for me! Oh, and Rimram and Antana too I suppose. I will let you know when the little squirmer has a name.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Creature of the week...Kroayzn Frog!

Some of the most outgoing and social creatures in town are the kroayzn frogs. Kroayzn frogs live in a highly fashionable society of their own devising. While kroayzn society is mainly centered in Arcadia, especially the city of Oshkosh, small enclaves can be found in most major metropolitan areas such as Cruton. Most of the Kroayzn in Cruton live in the Whoohookis neighborhood. I enjoy visiting there for the gourmet meals, fancy hairstyles, and theatrical performances.

The frogs are quite the socialites. The Kroayzn put fashion and their own status above all else, throwing huge parties to maintain and advance their status in the society. It is also of the highest importance to be seen in the latest fashion during these social events. A mainstay of fashion is length of hair, and often stilts are used so that hair can grow to absurd lengths without tripping its owner.

Kroazyn incubate their eggs in a fancy fountain in their homes called a laviswank. The fountain, the eggs, and the resulting hatchlings are cared for by nannies. When the hatchlings, called glamglampetls, emerge from the fountain, the household holds a glamorous coming out party called the glamglampetl Krotillion.

I have to admit that I find them rather shallow and surprised by their willingness to do anything, including disfiguring themselves or their children to advance their social status. Often they outfit their children with metal rings called whohootashen to stretch their bodies and necks to obtain greater heights. To each their own, who am I to judge? Oh yes, I am the King! It is my job to judge.

Monday, July 19, 2010

The Hotel Who

The Hotel Who is the most upscale hotel in downtown Cruton (District 1, Cruton Hill) and is a top choice of visitors. Several well to do Crutoners also live at the hotel on a long term basis, such as the barrister Pofktrum Wistler. Ibleswich founded the hotel, and the running of the hotel is quite the family affair, with several family members working and living in the hotel. Pindeleen Whooshter, the wife of Ibleswich, styles hair in the hotel as well as in a spa in Whoohookis. Ibleswich's Aunt, Archs, helps run the front desk with her son Anski, and Anski's wife Gelli and her sister Isp run a cafe in the hotel. In addition, Tungu is a concierge, and Ibleswich’s brother, Prink, runs a fine restaurant next to the hotel called Prink’s Chop House.

The inn is quite comfortable and is the first choice of many dignitaries both domestic and foreign. There was some sort of unfortunate incident that occured there at some point, however. As I recall, Archs husband, the esteemed Kooker, was killed in the hotel in a mysterious accident. It is still not clear what happened, but it is said that he still haunts the hotel, most notably in his favorite room of 5C. Supposedly he requests pies, although it is not clear why. An impressive portrait hangs of Kooker in the lobby of the hotel.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

The lovely jubijee tree

As I walk about in the glorious city of Cruton, I am delighted by the diverse trees and plants that grow throughout town. One of my favorite of these trees is the jubijee. The jubijee has a bulbous-shaped top that has many long pods attached. The pods have a pink fluffy outgrowth. Each pod has a single seed, and within this pod is in a dark fluid. Besides being a lovely tree, the plant is also utilitarian, since the pods can be harvested for pens. Depending on how the pods are processed, the ink can be purple or black, watery or thick. The end of the pod is nicked, and the pod can be shaken since the seed inside will aid in the ink flow. For this reason, jubijee are cultivated by many of our citizens who rely on its quills for their occupations, such as Ikarod Flink, the royal scribe (pictured using a jubijee quill), Knyoski Aoin, Chief Editor and reporter for our national newspaper (the Banana Peel), and Nersel Buyukbay, the royal cartographer.

Outside the city and in the wilds, the color pink is attractive to many creatures, including treacles. Pods that have fallen off the tree will attract treacle, and the pink fluff will easily stick to the treacle’s fur. This helps disperse the pods. Since the pods are somewhat brittle, the treacle will eventually rupture the pod and release the seed and the black fluid. As the treacle cleans itself off, the sugary spit will nourish the seed. This adequately allows the trees to propagate in the forests, while we cityfolk gladly take over the treacle's responsibility and cultivate the seeds ourselves. All the better, I say! No one wants treacles sticking up our magnificent town with their sugary spit!

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Creature of the week...Poorkon!

Just outside the city of Cruton, in the Mushroom forest, it is quite common to see golden poorkons. There are two varieties, mushroom or golden poorkon, and northern (also known as snowey or wooley) poorkon. The Northerns are usually found in the snowy regions in the North.

Poorkon lay large eggs around and about and abandon them, the forest has quite a few laying about. Poorkon do not make protective nests and tend to lay their eggs where ever they are. It is due to this behavior that many of the eggs are broken or eaten. The poorkon make up for this loss by being very prolific egg layers.

Many of Cruton's fine restaurants serve dishes that utilize the poorkon's eggs or meat. Golden porkon is quite delicious, with a wonderful mushroomy flavor. The Northern poorkon meat is much spicier, I find the flavor a bit exotic.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Creature of the Week... Bordadens!

So, some of you might well be asking, if Crutonia is full of all these different critters, what pray tell kind of creature am I, your fabulous King! The answer, my little kooks, is a Bordadens!

We bordadens make up a significant percent of the species that populate the cities and towns of Crutonia, along with Shemoybl, Braxxon, Bungali and a hand full of others. But more about all those later! This is about bordadens!!

Ok... so bordadens could actually be said the foundation of Crutonian society. We are an industrious lot, and take our professions very seriously. We are obsessed with societal standing, and the various families vie for social prominence based on the sum total of familial success. The individual who is deemed to be the most successful in any given family is the family head, regardless of age or sex.

You could imagine that this would lead to quite a lot of squabbling, but our belief that family status is more important than that of the individual rules out most treachery, as the shame of cheating would significantly damage the overall standing of the family.

We are a noble lot, and none more noble than me, the King!! Ha ah! Well, here are some of the other prominent bordadens citizens of Cruton...

just a few... I could go on and on, we are such a splendid lot! Well, goodbye for now... and remember, wash your tails before bedtime!

Quenterindy Quirk, Explorer

This is Captain Quenterindy Quirk... He is a member of the prestegeous Alephbetta elite and also is a veteran of both the Pitto-Crutonian War and the Pitto-Erbian War.

As a reward for these heroics and also as a favor to some of his comrades, I commissioned him to preform a grand survey for The Crown. His mission is to map and survey the flora and fauna of the more remote areas of the kingdom. To aid him in this endeavor he has put together what I can only imagine is a crack team of specialists... Nersel Buyukbay, the Cartographer Royal; Lanitee, a Zeep botanist who is also a healer from what I understand, and her assistant, Cleus; and the Vegahorse-Vega pair Burtrym and Waldemar, who are specialists in biology an ecology (studied at the prestigious Llanarch School For the Learned apparently). There are some others, but I don't quite remember who... servants and guards and whatnot, I believe.

Anyway, the good Captain set out well over a month ago... I wonder how he is doing?

Monday, July 5, 2010

Creature of the Week... Boolgook!

This week's creature is the Boolgook. They are docile swamp dwellers living in great abundance in the Boolgook Bog, not far from Cruton.

It was into one of these creatures, a boolgook by the name of Umber, that my mind was transferred to as a result of a botched reanimation spell performed by the sorceress, Clytemnestra. As a result I spent quite a bit of time living as a boolgook, and also it was during this time that Cactus, the Crown Prince was born.

Anyway, enough about me! Boolgooks are vegetarians, eating vast quantities of Bopaberries, a plant native to the wetlands. They also continue to grow throughout their lives, and some can get to be quite emmense! The largest one I know of is Old Pastel, and he is about the size of a building!

For a short time we had a boolgook nanny for Cactus, a sweet young lady boolgook by the name of Buttercup, but alas he dissmissed her when on a state visit to his sister... don't really remember why... hmmm.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Cactus, Crown Prince of Crutonia

Hello all! Here is my son, Cactus! Do you see the family resemblance? No? Well he was born when I was temporarily trapped in the body of the boolgook, Umber... Due to some particularly tricky Crutonian legal protocol, he is still considered my son and heir. Don't ask me about it, but our Royal Sage, Fleeger Bn, assures me it is true.

Anyway, as it stands he is the Crown Prince and therefore heir presumptive, even though he is my second born. As I said earlier in my missive about Pooleene, she gave up her hereditary right in order to end that silly war and is now the Regent of Arkadia... such a good girl!

Anyway, back to Cactus! He is quite the little prince! He enjoys lording it over everyone, a true royal! You should see him in action! Ha ha! Alright, bye for now!

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Creature of the Week... Stampede!

Well, as I think I mentioned earlier, my darling queen was once killed by one of these fellows... They live up north on the high plains, mostly standing around until they get hungry, then well they run en-mass until they find something to trample to death, do so and then lick up the remains!

Believe me when I say that we were lucky to come across a lone one, otherwise yours truly would probably not be here either!

Well, anyway on with my description... I am told that the mating ritual of the stampede involves two of the creatures rubbing against each other... remarkable! They don't do this often, though, due to chaffing. After a short gestation, the young exit the adults via their mouths... these then follow behind the herd and eat leftovers.

Stampedes themselves are quite delicious, and are hunted by the bungali amongst others for their meat... The young make an especially delicious dish called "stampanini" Oh! that reminds me! Time for lunch! Ta ta!

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Palace Staff, Part 1

My Chief of staff is an excellent fellow named Hoobs. He lives in the castle with his wife Rimit. Hoobs served honorably in two of the Crutonian wars, and I trust him fully. He has two sons that are upstanding citizens, Prink and Ibleswich. Prink runs one of the best restaurants in Cruton, Prink’s Chop House, and his brother Ibleswich is the proprietor of the Whotel Who, an upscale inn also located in Cruton. Both of his sons and their establishments will be a focus of future entries.

Friday, June 18, 2010

Princess Pooleene

And here is my lovely daughter, the Princess Pooleene... She governs the principality of Arkadia with her shiftless husband the Erbian Prince Hades Skratch, she keeps a tight leash on him though! She only married him to keep Crutonia from falling under Erbian rule when things looked bad in the Pitto-Erbian War. Ha ha! Such a clever girl... she didn't let him know she had given up her right to the throne until afterwards! Meanwhile her half-brother, Cactus is the direct heir... but more on him later... Bye for now my subjects!

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Cruton, the capital of Crutonia

As I am sure you all know, I reside in Crutonia’s capital city, Cruton. It is a glorious place as any of you lucky enough to live there or visit. As indicated on the map with a purple circle, Cruton is located in central Crutonia next to the Zigzag River and the Great reservoir. It is the largest city in our magnificent land.

The city itself is made up of eight neighborhoods. Color coded on the drawing shown here, the neighborhoods are Cruton Hill (light blue), Palace Heights (yellow), Bordenburg (lilac), Reservoir Terrace (green), Chirlee Slope (pink), Splendid Gardens (orange), Keebletown (yellow-green), and Whoohookis (red).

Cruton Hill is where Parliament is located, as well as the superb Whotel Who, Prink’s Chophouse, the marketplace and the sporting arena. The rest of the districts are mostly residential, with several businesses mixed in. Several of the most prominent Cruton residents live in Palace Heights, the culture-centric croazyn frogs and yoons tend to settle in Whoohookis, and the more provincial citizens are found in Keebletown.

I of course reside in the castle just adjacent to the city, along with my Queen, the crown prince, and my loyal staff. I will be sure to present them all grandly in a future post.

Queen Abloonee

Ah! Abloonee... My darling Queen! She once got killed by a creature called a trampleen, but we were able to bring her back to life with the aid of the sorceress Clytemnestra...
Haven't seen HER for a while... I wonder where she's got to?

Sunday, June 13, 2010